I used to have lots of stories about Target because my buddies Tyler and Matt worked there. I know this sounds ridiculous, but we used to show up at Target sometimes 3x a day just to bother them there. We’d always talk to Matt in the parking lot, he was a “cart monkey”, go inside and talk to Tyler if he wasn’t being sneaky, and then walk around. Tyler worked security so we inadvertently found out where all of the cameras were and stuff. After doing a loop around the store we would then purchase a Mt Dew and head out. Occasionally we were harassed by newbie-security people, but the managers always stood up for us because they knew we came in every day, bought stuff, and didn’t cause trouble.
On Saturday Liz and I stopped at Target on the way to a birthday party to pick up a present. After we walked in and got past the cheap dollar crap, I noticed an older man forearm-deep in the teen girls’ bikini rack. I then noticed he was wearing something akin to pajama pants with a crazy design that had a price tag on them along with a Marines Corp T-shirt. I would guess him to be in the 50-60 age range. I then looked him in the eye, most likely with a “what the hell are you doing” look on my face. He noticed me eye-balling him, got wide-eyed, dropped whatever he was fondling, said “oh!”, clapped/brushed his hands like they were dusty, and then started humming/singing “doo-do-do-do-dooo” as he high-tailed it for the door.
You know this story is too crazy to be made up. I just looked at Liz and said, “8 year olds dude.”
“The IT guy at my new job hunts and pecks…then he broke my computer.”
Tell me if I’m wrong, but this sounds exactly like several geeky cartoons I’ve read in my day. Freaking hilarious if you ask me.
Update:
“He jerked the mouse too hard and pulled the monitor cord loose…he seriously almost threw the system away b/c he thought it died”
No sleep last night. That’s what happens when I mix prednisone and a nebulizer. Crazy stuff. I’m sure I look a little crazy and every once in a while I think I see something out of the corner of my eye.
Also talked to Jim today about electricity and rent for March. He’s going to look into it and get back to me. I’m really interested in seeing what my electric bill is going to be because of all the fans plugged into the outlets for days on end. Plus, the carpet people cranked our heat for at least 4 days. I’m sure that didn’t help the mold grow.
For now, it’s back to the couch to me so I don’t have a coughing fit. Hopefully I can get back to work on Monday. We’ll just have to wait and see.
It’s not every time that you try to get something done and you see results right away. Yesterday I decided to call up the building manager and ask about the shoveling. Last week they were johnny-on-the-spot except they didn’t shovel our sidewalk. Jacob, my neighbor, shoveled his own because it wasn’t done immediately in the morning so maybe they thought mine was shoveled already. However, nothing has been done since last week and we’re constantly having to walk through drifts. Not cool. So I left Jim a message and he called me back in 5min. I explained to him that nothing has been shoveled in several days and the sidewalks are drifted over. He said he’d look into it. About 15min later he called me back saying new people have been hired to plow the lot and shovel the walks. Nice.
Then last night our upstairs neighbors were kinda being loud before we were going to bed. After the past few days of them being really loud and a long history of them being loud ever since they moved in, I informed Liz they were going to get a visit from me if they go CGNU on us. Well, about 1:30 I was woken up to Ben Folds blasting and them stomping on the floor. So I *happily* went up and asked them to keep the noise down. It didn’t become quiet, but the music was turned off. Even though we heard them talking very loudly for probably another hour, at least the dance party was quelled.
I had this crazy dream last night that Heather Armstrong from Dooce.com came to hang out/chat/interview Liz and I. Only they didn’t come here, they came to my mom’s old house and we met in the basement. She also said her real name was Ruthie something and that she just made up that other name for the internet. Her husband was there too, but he never really introduced himself. We were talking about violence and I’m not even sure what about. Liz had made up several pages of questions and answers, but never told me about it so I felt pretty clueless. It was weird.
Whenever I get really sick with my lungs I always lose weight. There’s something about having to work extra hard to breathe that just sheds those pounds. In just 8 days I’ve lost 8 or 9 pounds. I know professional boxers can lose up to 30 pounds in a fight, but that’s just water weight. How else could you “safely” lose this kind of weight? It’s not like I’m skipping meals or anything. I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. Last night I even had a huge plate of pasta with sauce and about 4x as much cheese on it than would be recommended.
Hopefully I don’t get so skinny that I lose my fat-man status. That would just be embarrassing.
Oh, and on a side-note, I went to an asthma doctor yesterday. Turns out back in May when I switched from Flovent to Advair, the general practitioner doctor that prescribed it to me did the math wrong. I’ve been on half the dosage I should have been on for the past 6 months. Hmmmmmm, maybe that explains my months-long feeling like crap and recent trip to the hospital.
Today Liz received this:
Hi liz i understand that your other half had very bad time with J’s
Could you have him dicuss this with the owner then, blog this all over the internet, J’s been in business for over 40 yrs
If there was a major problem the owner would taken action at once. I think slamming someone business is not right.
Thank you
Apparently somebody has taken offense to my slamming of J’s Tux and Bridal Shop. He also apparently doesn’t know proper grammar and spelling. Let me tell you what I think of this.
- Why not email me directly? If you’ve been to my blog than you have access to an email address for me.
- Why email Liz? How much detective work did it take to figure out I was her “other half”?
- If you’re officially connected to J’s, then why not send me something official and written so it doesn’t sound like a.) English is not your first language and/or b.) it wasn’t written by a child.
- If J’s was really interested in making things right, I think they had ample opportunity since I complained and was physically in their store a couple times within a couple days. Complaints were also made by other people with me who were getting tuxes for the same event.
- Why is it so bad that I’m “slamming someone business”? This is the internet. It’s called free speech. I can say what I want, but that doesn’t mean you have to read it. I like to think of this as my own informal Better Business Bureau. I’m just looking out for the next guy.
- Late night Wal-Mart run
- Two trips to Taco Bell
- Church
- Hang out with Robby
- Watch some movies
- Little Miss Sunshine
- Cool Hand Luke
- Tank Girl
- Mayor of the Sunset Strip
- Wedding Singer
Hearing about my brother tripping on a step and flying through a window
Awkward conversation with building manager
Seeing Fat Mitch and Leah
Drunken messages from my dad
Did you catch that last one? You probably read it right. More drunk messages from my dad. This time I wasn’t the only one though. He called up the siblings too. He really knows how to make a child feel loved. I should probably do that if I have kids someday, right?
There are companies out there that edit movies for sex, nudity, language, etc and then re-sell them as “safe”. According to this article, they can’t do that anymore. I’m sure some people will heartily disagree with me on this one, but I feel like art shouldn’t be censored in this way. I have the same feelings about edited music. If it’s so bad that you shouldn’t listen to/watch it, then shouldn’t you just avoid it altogether?
This past weekend I took a trip home cause my mom was getting remarried. I was able to get Friday off and I was also able to get left a little early on Thursday because I got some extra hours in on Monday. The ride out went pretty well and we were able to stop at Culver’s and get some of their delicious wares.
Friday I was able to go shooting and taught Liz the basics of firing a rifle. I’m proud to say that she can hit a box at 20 yards with no problem now. I was also able to try out my new Taurus auto and put 300-400 rounds through it. It only jammed up a couple times which isn’t too bad. It shot pretty nicely, but I think I still like my Winchester bolt action better. It’s lighter and I can also get more than 10 shells through it in the time it takes me to load and fire 10 in the Taurus. It is nice to be able to pop off 10 at once, but if I was in a pinch I’d much rather have the single shot. The reload time just takes too long.
The wedding went really well. It was at their new house and there were only 16 or so of us there. It was nice and small. It was a good time. It was also great to be able to see people. My grandparents were there of course, along with Becky and Andy. I was also able to hang out with Josh, Tyler, Matt and CJ on Friday for a bit.
On the way back we got left a little later than we had planned for, but that wasn’t a big deal. I had a major craving for a Hardees Thick Burger, but apparently once you get a little into IL, there isn’t a single Hardees on 74 until you hit Indy. Let’s just say that by the time we got to Indy we were out of luck. I eventually stopped later and got a sack of 10 with cheese at White Castle. Soon after getting back on the interstate, I came upon a deer that a guy in a truck had just hit. I swerved and missed the body, but ran over a piece of bone that got caught in my tire and shredded it up. Luckily Liz has AAA so we called them and I didn’t have to change it myself in the dark at 2:30am. I was also lucky enough to get a used tire for $10 this morning and so my car is back to normal already.
I also picked up a machete last night at Wal-Mart for $6. That’s right. Only six George Washingtons. How much cheaper can a kid get a weapon of mass destruction these days? I’m planning on using it to hack a path next time I go exploring. It should be fun.
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