I work in the IT profession. I take phone calls and try to help people. I create extensive documentation that makes me go crazy so we can try and avoid some of those phone calls. Whenever I have to call up tech support, which I loathe, I always try to let them know that I’m “in the know” so they might skip some of the rigamorale. Usually they have no idea what I’m talking about because they are script monkeys.
Recently our connection to Al Gore’s greatest gift to the Earth, the WWW, has been extremely slow. Last night she gave out completely and much to my dismay, never came back on. I tried all my tricks to no avail, so I gave Comcast a call after I got home from work.
Script Monkey: “So what’s your problem?”
Chalupa: “Well my internet quit working last night. I’ve tried all the usual stuff. I’ve restarted my computer, released and renewed my IP, reset my modem and router, etc, etc. I’ve even tried plugging directly into the modem and I still can’t get anything.”
Script Monkey: “Ok, I think I can help you.” <papers shuffling>
“What is the operating system of your modem?”
Chalupa: “My modem doesn’t have an operating system. Do you want to know what brand it is?”
Script Monkey: “um, yeah”
Chalupa: “RCA”
<silence>
Script Monkey: “That doesn’t make any sense. It’s supposed to be Vista or something.”
Chalupa: “If you want to know what OS I’m running, I’m on XP with SP3.”
Script Monkey: “Service Pack 3? I’ve never heard of that. Ok I need to you go to your computer and click on your Start button.”
Chalupa: “Ok, are you wanting me to check my IP?”
Script Monkey: “I need you to click on Run. It should be at the bottom.”
Chalupa: “Do you want my IP address?”
Script Monkey: “Ok, now I need you to click on that and hit OK…..oh crap I gotta find the code you have to type.”
Chalupa: “Are you wanting me to check my IP or release it or something?”
Script Monkey: “Oh, here it is. Type in ipconfig…..space….oh wait, no space. Then hit OK”
Chalupa: “Are you wanting the IP address of my modem or my computer or my router?”
Script Monkey: “You don’t see an IP thingy?”
Chalupa: “There is an IP address, but this is the IP of my local machine and my router. Since that’s all internal, it won’t really help you trying to find my modem”
It went on and on like this for a while. And when she was telling me to hit “ok”, there is no ok. Fortunately I was able to decipher what she really wanted and got her the needed info. They kept insisting there was nothing wrong on there end, but after putting me on hold for several minutes, my connection magically started working again. Luckily it only took me 2hrs to get things working. Gotta love the Comcast. How come whenever I call the techies I feel like I ended up helping them more than they helped me?
I swear, there needs to be a code word or something that lets them know that you’re a tech and have already tried all the stuff in the script and thus need to be passed on to the next person along the chain of command who isn’t just reading instructions out of a nebulous manual that they don’t even understand.